How a Psychologist Can Help Your Child (and You!) with Therapeutic Assessment

Hello Warrior Parents!!! 👋  As a parent, it can sometimes feel like you're navigating a maze of emotions, behaviors, and milestones as you try to understand your child. Is their moodiness just a phase? Are they struggling with something more? When is it time to get professional help? One valuable tool in a psychologist’s toolkit that you might not have heard of yet is therapeutic assessment. It’s a game-changer, and here’s why.

What is Therapeutic Assessment Anyway? First, let’s break it down. A therapeutic assessment isn’t your typical, cold, “diagnostic-only” psychological evaluation. It’s a unique approach that’s as much about helping you understand your child as it is about offering guidance, support, and clarity for everyone involved. It’s not just about “testing” your child, it’s about a partnership where you, your child, and the psychologist work together to unpack what’s going on in a way that is healing and validating! 

So, what exactly happens during a therapeutic assessment?

Here’s how it typically works:

1. A Safe, Welcoming Space for Your Child: Your child will meet with the psychologist in a supportive and non-threatening environment, one where they can feel comfortable enough to open up. The psychologist will use a variety of techniques—everything from interviews and questionnaires to fun, interactive activities (especially for younger kids) to get a well-rounded understanding of what’s going on with your child. Don’t worry; it’s not like sitting in a sterile, boring office all day. It’s a lot more engaging and warm than that!

2. The Magic of Collaboration: Therapeutic assessment isn’t about a “test” your child has to pass. It’s about working together. The psychologist will collaborate with you, as the parent, to hear your perspective—your observations, your concerns, and your hopes for your child’s future. It’s a team effort! This makes it different from traditional assessments where the professional might work in isolation. You’re not in the dark, and you’ll never feel like decisions are being made without your input.

3. Getting to the Heart of the Matter: Once your child has had time to interact with the psychologist, the real fun begins: the feedback session! Here’s where things get really interesting. Instead of just handing you a cold, clinical report, the psychologist will sit down with you and explain everything they’ve observed. You’ll get a full breakdown of what’s been happening emotionally, socially, and psychologically with your child. They’ll help you understand what’s behind any challenging behavior, and you’ll walk away with a clear sense of why your child is acting the way they are.

But wait, there's more! The psychologist won’t just stop at explaining what’s going on—they’ll also offer practical strategies for helping your child move forward. Maybe your kid is struggling with anxiety, dealing with a learning challenge, or finding it hard to make friends. Whatever the case, you’ll get actionable advice on how to support them through the process. Think of it as a roadmap for your child’s emotional and mental health.

4. It’s About Growth, Not Labels: Now, here’s the key difference between therapeutic assessment and other types of psychological evaluations: it’s strength-based. That means the psychologist isn’t just looking for deficits or problems, but also your child’s strengths and how those can be used to overcome challenges. It’s a lot like finding the hidden gems that make your child unique—and helping them shine brighter in their own way.

5. You Get Support Too! Therapeutic assessment isn’t just for your child—it’s for YOU, too. Parenting isn’t easy, and it’s tough when you feel like you don’t know what’s going on with your kid. Maybe your child’s behavior is making you feel frustrated or unsure of how to help them. The feedback and guidance from a therapeutic assessment can give you the clarity and confidence to move forward with a game plan. Plus, it’s a great way for you to understand your child’s perspective, which makes supporting them in the long run easier and more effective.

How Does This Help in Real Life? 
Imagine this: Your child has been struggling in school. They’re having a hard time focusing, getting anxious during tests, or maybe just feeling disconnected from their peers. It’s not something you’re sure how to handle, and it’s starting to feel overwhelming. You’re wondering, “Is this just part of growing up, or is there something more serious going on?”

This is where therapeutic assessment comes in. After a few sessions, you’ll walk away with a comprehensive understanding of what’s causing the struggles. Maybe it’s a learning difficulty, anxiety, or even a social skill gap. The psychologist doesn’t just leave you with a diagnosis—they’ll give you tools to support your child: strategies to reduce stress, ways to enhance their self-confidence, and a clearer path toward helping them succeed.

By the end of the process, you’ll have a detailed picture of your child’s strengths, challenges, and needs—and that picture will guide the next steps in therapy or interventions. The goal is not to label your child but to give them and you the insight and resources needed to thrive.

Why Should You Consider Therapeutic Assessment? 
Well, for one, it’s a great way to better understand your child, especially if they’re going through something difficult that’s hard to pin down. Whether it’s school struggles, behavioral changes, or emotional ups and downs, a therapeutic assessment can be a key to understanding the “why” behind the surface behaviors.

Also, it offers a holistic approach—it’s not just about checking boxes or diagnosing. It’s about the relationship between you, your child, and the psychologist working together to create a path forward that’s uniquely tailored to your child’s needs.

In a Nutshell…A therapeutic assessment is a fantastic opportunity for parents to gain a deeper understanding of their child’s emotional and mental world. It’s not about labels- it’s about providing insights, strengthening relationships, and setting the stage for growth. And for your child, it’s an empowering process that helps them build self-awareness, confidence, and coping skills that will serve them for years to come.

If you’re feeling uncertain or overwhelmed by your child’s behavior or emotional struggles, therapeutic assessment could be just what you need to move forward with clarity and confidence. Please be aware - MOST assessment places do NOT do therapeutic assessment. It is a specialized approach that takes years of specialized training.  Dr. Kelsey was trained at the University of North Texas which was ranked #3 in the country for PhD in counseling psychology at the time of her admission in an 8 person class.  She is also a certified school psychologist who knows about SLD, ASD, OHI, and other school acronyms for IEPs!

If you think a therapeutic assessment might be right for your child, KML Psychological Services specializes in this method and Dr. Kelsey trains nationally on this unique approach.  Together, you can start the journey to better understanding, healing, and growth.

1. Master Active Recall and Spaced Repetition

• Active Recall: Instead of passively reviewing notes, test yourself or have someone else quiz you on key concepts. This helps you identify what you actually know and don't know AND strengthens memory for better retention.
• Spaced Repetition: Use a study app or a simple study schedule to review material at increasing intervals. This is called "chunking" and is evidence-based.  This method significantly boosts long-term retention and ensures you're regularly revisiting important content. DO NOT CRAM! It doesn't work!
• Stop studying the things you already know: We often are drawn to the stuff we already know and get better and better at that. We need to instead focus on the stuff we don't know.  It sounds obvious but trust me, you prob keep returning to the items you already know instead of spending time on information you don't understand.  Focus on that instead.
• are you struggling with memory? If so check out our KML Brain Clinic to help you!

2. Create a Focused Study Schedule

• Plan Ahead: Break your study material into bite-sized chunks and allocate specific time slots for each subject or topic. Stick to a timetable and avoid last-minute cramming.
• Prioritize: Focus on subjects or topics where you're weakest, but don't neglect areas where you feel confident. Balance is key—don’t overemphasize one subject and neglect others.

3. Practice with Past Exams & Sample Questions

• Simulate Test Conditions: Go through past exams or sample questions to familiarize yourself with the format and types of questions you may face. Time yourself while doing practice exams to build stamina and improve time management.
• Identify Patterns: Many exams have recurring themes or frequently tested topics. Identify these and make sure you're well-prepared for them.

4. Take Care of the Basics FIRST! Nutrition and Sleep are Key to Exam Success.

• Sleep Well: Never underestimate the power of adequate sleep. Your brain consolidates memories and strengthens learning during deep sleep, so aim for 7-9 hours each night, especially before exam days. DO NOT PULL 'ALL-NIGHTERS!' It's an 'illusion' of studying and you are better off actually sleeping.
• Eat and Hydrate: Balanced nutrition (like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins) and staying hydrated will keep your brain sharp and focused. Avoid excessive caffeine or carb-only food, which can make you jittery or crash.  There's absolutely nothing wrong with fun foods and I actually encourage them!  The key is balance and moderation to get key performance from your brain and keep steady energy levels.

5. Stay Calm, Confident, and Positive

• Visualize Success: Spend a few moments each day visualizing yourself succeeding in your exams. A positive mindset helps reduce anxiety and boosts performance.  Visualization is actually evidence-based on fMRI that your brain processes it in the same way as actually engaging in the activity in real life - it actually works!
• Stress Management: If you get into that exam and panic you will feel you know nothing and your frontal lobe will go 'offline!'  The key is activating your zone of tolerance and disengaging your fight or flight system.  You can do this with a simple set of five deep breaths using the 4-7-8 method.  Key here is a longer breath out than in, and breathing from your belly versus your anxious chest.  Some helpful self-talk like saying "you know more than you think you do" and "this exam does not determine your entire future" is helpful for getting that frontal lobe back online so you can access everything you learned and know. 

By combining strategic study techniques, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, and keeping a positive mindset, you'll be well-equipped to crush your finals! You've got this! 💪



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I spoke with Cosmo about breakups and erasing memories - here's the longer convo you didn't get to hear :) 

How important are memories of past relationships?
Even though memories can be difficult and challenging for us when they are not seemingly positive in nature, we need to remember that we have a memory for a reason and that it is protective for us and promotes survival. Negative memories feel hard of course, and to 'erase' them might in the moment seem easier because we wouldn't have to deal with or cope with the emotions that accompany them. However, they are also protective for us, as they help us learn from the challenges of the past and learning is protective in nature so that we do not keep repeating the same patterns over and over again. From an evolutionary perspective, negative memories are actually even more important and protective for us than are positive memories. So to erase those would likely be more dangerous and prime us for more negative things to happen in the future. This doesn't mean we have to just allow ourselves to continuously live in the negative and scary memories of the past, as we need to learn how to cope with them and contain them in a way that allows us to reflect on the negative of the past as a way to build us up for the future.

How do past relationships help us build our expectations and goals for future ones?
It is important to remember that we cannot change what happens to us in the world as we are not in control of others and the unknown; however, we are in control of ourselves and the way we react and respond to the things around us. This is called cognitive appraisal, and essentially how we respond to the things around us is largely based on whether we look at the things around us as threats or challenges. If we appraise a situation as us being capable and realizing we can shift our thinking and be more realistic in the way we are speaking to ourselves. It is also important that we incorporate mindfulness into our day and recognize that we are capable of moving forward and learning from our past experiences in our to create a better outcome for ourselves in the future. That allows us to stop repeating cycles that are harmful and start building positive momentum in our lives.

The holiday season can be particularly challenging for individuals managing an eating disorder (ED) due to the emphasis on food, family gatherings, and social pressures. If you're dealing with an eating disorder, maintaining your well-being during this time requires extra care, self-compassion, and mindful strategies. Here are some helpful tips to navigate the holidays while managing an eating disorder:
1. Set Boundaries Around Food and Social Situations

• Communicate your needs: If you're comfortable, talk to close family or friends about your struggles so they can support you. You don’t have to go into detail, but simply sharing that you need help can make a big difference.
• Plan your meals: If you’re attending a holiday gathering, try to plan your meals in advance to reduce anxiety. Consider bringing a dish that you feel comfortable with or ask the host about the menu beforehand.  For many - this is the time of year they go back to a specific meal plan even when in recovery for a long time. That's okay! It's still recovery!
• Avoid social comparisons: Social media, family, and friends can often create unrealistic food expectations. Focus on your own journey and try not to compare yourself to others at the dinner table.

2. Practice Mindful Eating

• Slow down: Focus on eating slowly and mindfully. Pay attention to how the food tastes, smells, and feels in your body. This helps you be more in tune with your hunger and fullness cues.
• Listen to your body: Trust your body’s signals of hunger and fullness. It may be helpful to remind yourself that it’s okay to eat when you're hungry, even during the holidays, and that food is not something to fear or feel guilt about.

3. Don’t Overcommit to Events

• Limit social pressure: It’s okay to decline invitations or take breaks from gatherings if they feel overwhelming. Prioritize your mental health over social obligations.
• Give yourself permission to leave early: If you're feeling uncomfortable or overwhelmed, it’s perfectly okay to excuse yourself from a situation. Set a time limit for yourself in advance if you anticipate being stressed.

4. Focus on Non-Food Traditions

• Create new traditions: Shift the focus from food to other activities that bring you joy—like holiday walks, board games, or watching festive movies with loved ones. Doing something that nurtures your mental and emotional well-being is key.
• Engage in self-care: Set aside time for self-care activities during the holidays, such as journaling, yoga, reading, or engaging in creative hobbies that help you relax.

5. Have a Support System in Place

• Talk to a therapist or counselor: If you’re seeing a therapist, try to schedule sessions during the holidays to help manage any emotional stress that may arise.
• Call someone for support: If you feel overwhelmed, it can be helpful to have a trusted person to talk to, whether it’s a friend, family member, or someone in your support network.
• Create a “grounding” routine: Have a mental or physical routine in place for when things feel intense—this could be breathing exercises, a grounding meditation, or a quick walk outside.

6. Be Kind to Yourself

• Forgive yourself for slip-ups: The holidays can bring up complex emotions, and it’s okay to not be perfect. If you have moments where you feel you’ve "overdone it," practice self-compassion. Guilt and shame can only fuel negative behaviors.
• Avoid all-or-nothing thinking: Try to let go of the belief that if you "mess up" once, it means the entire holiday is ruined. Eating "perfectly" is not the goal; balance and self-care are.

7. Focus on Enjoying the Moment

• Shift focus away from food: While food is often central to celebrations, try to shift the focus to other aspects of the holiday season, like the joy of being with loved ones or the beauty of the season.
• Focus on connection: Make efforts to connect emotionally with others—share stories, laughter, and experiences instead of focusing on the food or how much you’re eating.

8. Have a “Plan B” for Stressful Moments

• Anticipate challenges: Identify potential triggers or stressors in advance and come up with a "Plan B" for managing them. For example, if you feel anxiety around a certain event, you might prepare by planning a self-care activity afterward.
• Coping strategies: Have specific tools in your toolkit for dealing with stress, such as deep breathing, distraction techniques, or writing in a journal.

9. Limit Alcohol Consumption

• Be mindful of alcohol: Alcohol can lower inhibitions and increase the likelihood of disordered eating behaviors or emotional overwhelm. Keep in mind that moderation is key, and it’s okay to opt out of drinking if it feels triggering for you.

10. Honor Your Feelings

• Acknowledge emotions: The holidays can bring up a range of emotions, including sadness, grief, or anxiety. If you’re feeling upset, allow yourself to feel and process those emotions instead of suppressing them with food or behaviors tied to your eating disorder.
• Journal your feelings: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a great way to process any emotional difficulties that arise during the holiday season.

11. Avoid Food Talk

• Limit discussions about body or food: In some settings, conversations about weight loss, dieting, or appearance can trigger anxiety. If these topics arise, it’s okay to change the subject or excuse yourself from the conversation.

Final Thoughts: The holidays don’t have to be a source of stress or shame around food, even if you’re managing an eating disorder. The key is to prioritize your mental and emotional health while allowing yourself the space to enjoy the season in ways that feel safe and nourishing. By setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and staying connected to your support system, you can navigate the holidays with greater ease and self-respect.  If you need further support, please contact our team and the National Alliance for Eating Disorders is an excellent resource for free support groups!

Why do we believe in 'New Year's Resolutions' for a mental health reset?
Living in the United States, it is well-known that our cultural values are highly centered on attaining accomplishments, whether it be climbing corporate ladders, getting degrees to put on our wall, or making a certain amount of money each year. Living in this type of culture, we tend to internalize over time that our worth and value as a human being is centered on the 'what's' that we can DO versus who we really are. We live in a culture of 'doing' versus 'being,' which means we miss the mark on being connected to our bodies, ourselves and others and live to check things off a list. There's comfort and ease in the structure of a 'doing' mindset, but it is also a great way to blink and realize you missed living your life! Keeping our mental health at the forefront is a beautiful way to try to go into to any day, month, or year. We are living in a mental health crisis from the pressures and overwhelm of our 'doing' culture, as well as the incredible stress many people feel from the general state of the world today. There is no time like the present to keep ourselves on the priority list and to know this is the only way we can be productive or helpful to anyone else.

What are some New Year's Resolutions that can actually HELP your mental health in 2024?
1. keep a gratitude jar or journal - Every day make a commitment to writing down at least 5 things you are grateful for. The key is they must be very specific to the day. There is science behind this in that it helps create pathways in our brain for seeing the good that exists around us, while simultaneously making us 'less good' at seeing the pessimistic views. It is called the Tetris effect and came make a huge difference in one's life.
2. Write in "You time" into your schedule everyday - It can be 10 min twice a day that you do this. The key here is writing it into your schedule means it cannot be canceled and it is seen as 'just as productive' as any other business appt you have in the day. During this time, make a commitment to 'doing vs being.' Go on a gentle walk outside, put away your phone, do some stretches, or close your eyes and do a quick guided meditation. There is absolute science behind this and these are called 'grounding techniques.' You will be so much more productive in your rest of day when you carve time for just you.
3. "Pay it forward" once a week or once a month - There is absolutely nothing like the feeling we can get by doing something nice for someone. I do this in my practice myself both in my business and personal life. We all have something special and unique to give the world and it makes us feel really good about life and ourselves. It can be paying for the person's coffee behind you that's next in line at the drive through, or in my business we do pro bono psychological assessments to families in need; it can also just be committing to telling five people a personalized complement once a week. It forces us to see the good in ourselves and in others and can again shape oru world view.
4. Write a life plan and create a vision board- this is another one that can be really fun at any point in your life. A couple can do it together for their next year, a group of high school seniors can do this as they prep for college together, or an individual can do this in to prepare for their career over teh next year. Get very specific and create a vision board that really helps you to get detailed about what you want. Again, there is science behind this - it might feel silly to start but you are actually priming your brain to start to do specific things that are going to make your goals more possible. It can be super fun at the end of the year to take this out and see how much came true! It's all about priming your brain pathways to see the world in a healthier way and is called 'the confirmation bias.'

What can you do if you find yourself declining despite trying to improve your mental health in 2024?
Listen - sometimes you do everything you can and you're just too far in a hole to get yourself out.  That doesn't mean you're weak or 'undisciplined.' Try reaching out to a psychologist or therapist who can help you to understand what's happening below the surface.  It could be KML or someone else! We all need a coach in life and starting 2024 with one is a great first step to a new year, new you!

What are the benefits? 
From a psychological perspective, using cool water (not ice cold) in the shower can be extremely beneficial for grounding purposes. Grounding is a psychological term we use to indicate getting ourselves back in our bodies and it is particularly helpful when we are stuck in the anxious spiral of our mind, and using temperature changes is also a component of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) which can be very helpful for emotion regulation. Warm water can be also be very soothing and relaxing, while cool water can 'wake up' the body and help a person be aware of their senses around them. We are not talking about hours here - we are talking about a couple of minutes of temperature change to make the person aware of their sense and out of the worry of the mind. This can be paired with other senses, such as noticing one's visual surrounding, what smells are in the air, what the water feels like on the skin, and what it sounds like as they hear the water. A full shower is also not necessary. Sometimes people can use a simple bowl of cool water and place their hands in it for a minute or splash some cool water on the face. These are all beneficial when the anxiety spin is in full force.

Are there any people should should NOT take cold showers?
Again, from a psychological perspective, we want to be aware that any extreme panic, fear, worry or anything of that nature requires more than simple grounding techniques. For this issues and concerns, involve a licensed professional on how to proceed. Anyone using any variance in water temperature as a grounding technique should always ensure they are medically cleared for such activity prior to engaging, and psychological professionals do not encourage extremes in temperature of burning hot or ice cold as this could be damaging to the skin, rather gentle changes that can shift our awareness to the body. There are people that may have cardiac conditions and other medical issues that may react poorly with significant changes to the norm of the body in any direction. Safety is always priority.

What's the final vote?
Well, using cool showers is great when it is done in moderation as ONE part of an entire grounding strategy.  It was not invented by TikTok-ers so go to the real experts like the DBT researchers who understand the why behind it.  Most importantly, a person needs many tools in their bag that can decrease stress - not just one.  This cannot be your only tool - how often is a cool shower available when we are overwhelmed?  Think more broadly and get a coping plan that involves behavioral tools as well as cognitive strategies and other helpful distractions.  Contact KML or your provider if you need more help!

I can tell you sleep is absolutely critical. There's no getting around it. The are many scientific theories around sleep and what it actually does. Some say the brain is reenergizing itself, others say it is cleansing the unnecessary information out as well as consolidating the necessary information together. I can tell you that my many years as a clinical psychologist and adjunct professor confirm the importance of sleep in consolidating information. There really is something to the idea of "I'll sleep on it and let you know in the morning." We can try to learn something the night before and struggle with it terribly, then wake up and it seems to all make sense. That is evidence for the consolidation theory around sleep. I have personally experienced this many times in my own like as an adult learner as well. As a result, it is my opinion that a person is far better off skipping the extra couple of hours of reviewing information you get from an all-nighter and instead refresh your brain with some important rest. All nighters really are not supported by the science and you'll go into the important day of the test, job interview or whatever you are cramming for with heavy eyelids and a slow brain. Chances are that rest will help you more!

​Quick sleep hygiene tips!

• don't study where you sleep
• don't watch TV or use your computer where you sleep
  
• have a regular night-time routine that is calming and primes you for sleep
  
• put away blue lights and other highly stimulating, anxiety producing things a couple hours before bed
  
• use nighttime grounding tools (I have an article coming out on that soon)
  
• ​if you can't sleep, don't toss and turn...get up and read something BORING (not something you like) such as an encyclopedia or something else....once you feel sleepy again go back to bed - repeat if necessary
  
• have a journal next to your bed to write down any worry thoughts that come up - tell your brain there's time to worry about them in the morning and you won't forget because you wrote them down.  
  

Having sleep problems? Contact KML - we use CBT-I evidence-based insomnia treatment.  

 










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No shock here from those that know me -come from a Health at Every Size (HAES) approach to understanding and treating eating disorders; this is an evidence-based approach that is absolutely key when working with binge eating disorder, as these folks frequently (though not always) live in larger bodies. The medical community that is uninformed of the dangers of eating disorders and the underlying issues of what drives them, will frequently take a caloric-restrictive approach and attempt to just to produce weight loss without tackling the underlying issues of toxic shame and often abuse history in this population (1/2 of women will acknowledge an sexual abuse history as opposed to 1/4 women without binge eating). Taking an approach to reduce weight as the cure or use bariatric surgery in individuals living in larger bodies supports weight stigma and the idea that a larger body presumes a lack of health and should be changed.

Instead, us CEDS-S folks will take a non-weight approach. We will focus on healing the trauma of the individual and normalizing eating patterns through the work with a CEDS dietitian. Once the eating patterns are normalized one of three things can happen to the weight - it can go up, down or stay the same. Point being that this is a side effect NOT the focus of actual evidence-based treatment. Focusing simply on weight management is a culture mentality that has largely gotten the person to be where they are in their eating disorder. If a weight management focus is taken without healing the underlying wounds, the person will frequently shift their symptoms which can look like turning to substances, acting out sexually or other such things. That is called symptom swapping and is widely seen in the treatment setting as a result of someone getting surgery to "fix" the binging without understanding that binging is just the tip of the iceberg. In addition, a larger body is not a symptom of lacking  heath - that's a myth.  People come in all shapes and sizes - that's a fact. 

Ultimately, people with binge eating disorder/symptoms are people first and they are suffering and misunderstood by the medical community. When they go to receive help, they are frequently shamed for weight issues and the 'solution' is weight loss products or diets. Dieting is not the answer and people with binge eating have often tried this dozens of times before they ever talked about it with their provider.

Also - never assume you know what behaviors a person does based on weight. I have know people with dangerous restrictive eating disorders who live in larger bodies and those with serious binge eating issues that live in smaller bodies.  You don't know a person based on their appearance.  Assuming that is weight bias and dangerous! 

​Contact KML for treatment that understands weight bias issues and focuses on you, the person and your behaviors - not your weight.