Happy Halloween 2023! First off - be safe. Read my articles on how to protect your while having fun this Halloween. Second - the big question - is halloween candy bad? Should I limit my child's Halloween candy consumption. This is tricky - understandable you don't want your children to eat three million pieces of candy over the course of three days and get sick. I get it. But you also need to be aware of how limiting children impacts their relationship with food. Here are some quick tips on some things you can do to keep healthy boundaries while also allowing kiddos to enjoy the holiday! 1. Have healthy boundaries around candy - do not try to eliminate the candy all together. This will really reinforce problematic relationships with foods. Boundaries are OK! Maybe saying okay let's have a few pieces a day (without be so specific or overly rigid). It's also OK for them to eat too much candy a feel a little full. They will survive and next time they probably will eat a little less. That creates an intuitive relationship with food! Kids who are used to extreme rigid boundaries around candy are usually the ones who go overboard when they see it. 2. Do NOT label foods as good or bad! Labeling foods as good or bad, healthy or unhealthy is a sure way to really mess with the natural food intuitive relationship. Stay away from strong labels around food. When 'all foods fit' it actually really allows us to regulate ourselves and we will find a natural balance of candy and vegetables! 3. Do NOT use candy as a reward! Stay away from 'earning' the candy at the end of a certain tasks. Rewards are great for kids -but food rewards are tricky. You want to keep food about food; not about good or bad or earning something. Trust me! Find other rewards for positive daily behaviors other than food. 4. Enjoy the moment with your kiddos! The cute costumes, excitement for life and running around the neighborhood can be so fun. Remember to enjoy that moment as they go by too quickly. Don't worry so much about the candy. Happy Halloween folks! Be safe! Dr. Kelsey :)
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OK parents, I feel for you on this one. Your adorable little child that used to want to know what you thought the best costume was, used to have you help them getting ready to go out and collect giant heaps of candy. They were adorable little ghosts, superheroes or cartoon characters. Suddenly, they are teens and everything has changed. If you haven't already had to have this convo, it might be one you will someday. I was recently asked to contribute Parents Magazine about teens wanting sexy halloween costumes and how to manage these conversations. The article is fantastic and I highly recommend you read it fully. Below is my expanded thoughts on the topic. What if I totally disagree with a sexy halloween costume??? I think in today's times this is an awesome opportunity to have a loving and open conversation with your teens that provides a sense of you aligning with them and supporting them for the remainder of their teen years into adulthood. If you see them wanting to get one of those costumes and you disagree as a parent, first i would probably validate their feelings. Remember the old movie Mean Girls and the halloween party scene? This has been a thing for a long time and there's nothing to be ashamed of. I would encourage your teen to talk about why they want to wear a certain costume and what they are hoping to get from it. You might find them opening up deep concerns of not feeling good enough, or needing validation of worth from others, or just a sense of fitting in. Those are all very important things and normal things teens want to feel. Hopefully, you have laid the foundation of other times you have talked about self-esteem and validation. So what does a parent actually do?! You can then validate their feelings and say "of course those things are normal, and I totally wanted the same thing when I was your age." You can ask them what else they might communicating to others by wearing a particular outfit - I don't mean to send a message that a flirtatious costume means a person is asking for something bad to happen because that is not correct. What I do mean is that we might be sending a message that we are looking for external attention in a negative place and is that the message your teen wants to be sending. The key here is creating curiosity and openness, not shame for wanting attention or for showing one's body. WHat are other messages do they want to send into the world about themselves and their personalities - is it that they are fun? Creative? Exciting? What about using the Halloween holiday as a time to express those things and to enjoy being a teen. I think the main things here are to really lean in with understanding and to connect with your teen during these challenging times of wanting to fit in. Tell them you really do support them and that's why you want them to be able to enjoy this time in their lives of fun and freedom, as there is time to make more grown up decisions about how they feel about these same things in the future. If they want to still dress in a particular costume when they are no longer a child, then that is their ability to do so and you will support their adult choices at that time because they will be equipped emotionally to see the whole picture. Ensure that any choices you make as a parent are to provide them with safety and ability to have a live a life of freedom, not emprisonment, since that is what teens may think the motivation is. Let them know it is your job as a parent to help them reinforce healthy boundaries until they are ready to take the reins when they are adults. Your teen might hate you until they are 25 (kidding, not kidding!), but eventually they'll probably understand you were trying to protect them until they are adults who can make healthy decisions for themselves. |
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